PRODIGAL RETURN

At the back end of 2014 many of my friends at the time felt strongly that I was meant to write a blog. Basing this "destiny" on the fact that my undergraduate degree was in journalism and that I have always referred to writing as "my first love," I started one. My first post was January 2, 2015.

What my friends wanted me to write about was fashion, and design; interiors, travel, how to "look put together" when traveling; what patterns and textiles go together in your home; whose style was "best" at the Golden Globes and so on and so on. And for a while, I did that. But it didn't take too long for the steam to run out because writing about those things (and I'm not saying that I won't again) isn't what inspired me and for anyone that is a writer, you surely know that when there is no inspiration, there are no words. And so Tenacious E died.

Fast forward to today, March 22, 2020. I still write. A little more privately in my journal, however. Sometimes I write on the back of wrinkled receipts, on scraps of paper; on the palm of my hand or forearm; on the Notes app in my phone. . . Sometimes, in moments of self reflection, I simply record voice notes on what I am feeling, whether it be difficult, sad, or joyful. . .and there in the audios, when I'm processing emotion or pain, that is where I find true inspiration. I find it in hearing my own voice - the trembles and cracks of expression; the pauses and gasps between tears that breaks my own heart. It's raw and real and personal. And it made me wonder: what if I didn't write about who wore what best? What if I didn't write about interiors or fashion? What if I wrote from the heart? What if I allowed myself to be present and vulnerable to experiences that I KNOW are not solely my own? What would happen? The answer was simple: nothing. Perhaps not a single soul would read these words but at least it would be ME. Terrifying. It could open doors not only to my innermost thoughts but also to criticism and judgment but it would be authentic and that has always been my Northstar. So, I don't know what will happen but maybe that's why I'm here again, because you always return and because you never really forget your first love, do you?