PARALYSIS

It's hard to know what to do or say during these uncertain and unprecedented times. "It's going to be okay," "we will weather this storm," "have faith," "wash your hands," "stay inside." Seems like no matter what we feel, it all comes down to fear. I feel it for sure. In more aspects than I can count and more so as the days pass without solution. I fear for the fate of the world; for what and who so many will lose. I fear for the global economy; the loss of human connection; for DEhumanization; the rejection of empathy. I fear loss of normalcy; sanity. But most of all, I fear failure. And saying we mustn't fear feels hypocritical because as a parent the fear of failing to protect what is most beloved to me is all-consuming.

As my youngest child came in to my bedroom tonight for the fifth time since I put him to bed, he said he couldn't fall asleep because when he closed his eyes all he could see were people dying. I want to believe it's a stall tactic; I want to believe it's an unrelated common nightmare; I want to blame video game violence. I want to believe that my children are shielded from this pandemic panic and the wave of fear that is coursing through most of us so all I can say to him is, "Don't worry love. It will all be okay. Mommy will protect you." But the truth is that I can't. Not really. Not when every contact feels like a threat. And for a person who fears next to nothing, that vulnerability is paralyzing.

For now, this seemingly unstoppable virus will be this generation's 9/11. They'll remember it. We all will. So, I don't know what to say or do. All I know to do is to keep fighting for bravery, strength and courage' All I know to say is that together we WILL come out stronger. And all I can offer is my calm, even if within me at times it most often feels dishonest. I can offer prayers for his protection; for the health and safety of my other two children; for my friends and family. . .for everyone.